Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Slow Dating and Demisexuality

July 13, 2021

Of course we can’t have any “puritanical sensibility” in the realm of dating and sexuality, but the idea that sex isn’t best as something freely distributed to anyone and everyone at any time is making a comeback, though of course without any religious baggage.

Multiple surveys and studies for years have indicated young people are having less sex than previous generations (assuming we trust the answers of those sorts of surveys). Slow dating is one practice being promoted or defended as a better way to deeper, longer-lasting relationships. If this isn’t hip sounding enough there’s a newer slang term for people who want to build a deep relationship with someone before becoming sexually active with them – demisexuals. It can’t be common sense and it certainly can’t be that Biblical precepts (and the Bible isn’t the only religious text to stress the importance/value/benefit of monogamy and a non-libertine approach to sexuality) have been right all along. We just have to come up with a cooler way to describe people who don’t bed-hop.

Of course both slow dating and the demisexual tag both assume you’ll have multiple sexual relationships, you’ll just have them slower and one at a time, similar to the old joke about serial monogamy. At least people don’t have to feel ashamed any longer because they aren’t following our culture’s obsessive drive about sexual activity. Instead of risking being classified (and dismissed) as just religious, they can now claim to be hip and cool like everyone else.

What a relief.

In the meantime, the Biblical Word on this topic remains unchanged. God who created us knows best about how sexuality can be expressed, even when we’d like to think we know better.

Book Review – Smiles in Indonesia

July 6, 2021

Smiles in Indonesia by O.G. Roeder

I found this in a used bookstore, unsure of what it even was. Turns out to be a collection of short essays, observations on Indonesian life and culture circa the early 1970’s. I can’t find out a whole lot about the author other than he apparently wrote a biography of Indonesia’s second president and long-time leader, General Suharto. There are indications the author may have been a former Nazi official during World War II, but it’s hard to determine the truth of this.

This book is written with a dry, subtle humor. It often pokes fun at Indonesian people and culture, but always very clearly in a way that demonstrates a great love for this people and culture. The author is not of the people, but definitely finds their ways – although sometimes humorous or curious – to ultimately be worthy of observation and appreciation.

The topics range widely, from observations on the consumption of beer, prostitution, the ingenuity of officials serving in challenging situations, and every day life. The essays are short and easy to read. They don’t necessarily have a point, whether an encouragement towards change or a recommendation towards conserving old ways. The author rarely takes upon himself that level of authority, but is more content to bemusedly observe and comment on what he sees without passing excessive judgment.

Annunciation – the Sitcom

December 19, 2020

Perhaps interpreting Mary’s confusion in Luke 1:26-38 as an attempt to unravel a theological or existential riddle is a bit heavier and serious than intended. What if Mary is simply perplexed by the enthusiastic joy of Gabriel as messenger? And if this is the case, perhaps meditating on Fra Angelico’s depiction of the Annunciation is less helpful to a modern Christian who is far more at ease with the promptings and cues of another art form (?) – the sitcom. If so, perhaps the episode might look something like this:

Scene: God, sitting at a giant celestial desk. Feet up (in sandals). Smoking a cigar. Long white robe, radiant white lighting around him. A computer screen is on his desk. Across the desk from him sits an angel with an iPad and conversation is already ongoing as the opening credits and theme song (Amazing Grace being rapped to jazzy music). Music fades out and conversation picks up as God takes his feet off the desk and leans across earnestly to the angel.

God: All right, I’ve got big news. It’s time!

Angel: What time?

God: The time!

Angel: The time?

God (nodding smugly): That’s right, the time. It’s time for the Incarnation. Time to fulfill that promise back to Eve so she quits nagging me. I think I’m allergic to those fig leaves she keeps waving around (laugh track).

Angel (visibly flustered and excited): You mean right now? Without warning? Without planning?! Ohmygosh, we have so much to do! So much to figure out!

God (leaning back again enjoying the angel’s agitation): Naw, it’s pretty simple. Me and the Holy Spirit have the basics worked out. But I figure we need to clue in the Mom, Mary of Nazareth.

Angel (tapping quickly at the iPad, then scrolling and looking increasingly perplexed): Her? Sir, but she’s nobody!

God (laughing): No she’s not! I made her! She’s Mary of Nazareth! (laugh track)

Angel: I mean, she’s really not anybody of any import. No last name, no real social standing, a few notable ancestors but otherwise, I mean, sir, surely you want someone who’s a bit more of an influencer? (laugh track)

God: Naw, this will be great! Really hit home with the poor and disenfranchised! You know me, I like to work from scratch, do the unexpected!

Angel: Yes, well, the duck-billed platypus certainly was unexpected, sir! (laugh track)

God (shaking his head angrily): That was a great idea! I can’t help it if you all insist on categorizing everything so narrowly! Sheesh, I might as well have just let things evolve out of goo like Satan wanted if I’d have known you were going to all be so uptight! (laugh track)

Angel (sighing and shaking his head with an eye roll): Yes sir, if you say so sir. Anyways. How are we going to clue this girl in?

God: Gotta be gentle. She’s young. Really young. Probably skittish. We need someone with a light touch.

Angel (continuing to peruse iPad): Hubert and the heavenly choir are suggesting an angelic flash mob and free-style annunciation, sir. (laugh track)

God (shaking head vigorously): No, I’ve got those guys in mind a little later on for some late night work with some shepherds out in some fields (laugh track). Who else have we got?

Angel: Pickings are slim, sir. Although Michael did win the celestial office pool on when you’d announce this was happening. He was within 10 months of today – definitely the closest of the angels. He’s going to be pretty happy about his winnings! (laugh track)

God (sputtering): Michael!? Are you nuts? In his armor and covered in demon blood or whatnot? (laugh track) I said a light touch! Somebody a bit more nuanced. Who else could we send?

Angel (setting aside iPad and shaking his head): That’s pretty much it, sir. Everyone else is already on other assignments.

God: What about Gabriel?

Angel (visibly shocked): Gabriel? Sir, you can’t be serious!

God: Why not? Gabriel’s a good guy. I’ve used him before, right?

Angel: Yes sir, and not with very good results. You asked him to explain and clarify some visions you gave to Daniel hundreds of years ago, sir.

God: Yes, that’s right! I remember now! See? I told you he had experience.

Angel: Sir, he gave some of the worst explanations ever. Worse than IKEA assembly instructions (laugh track).

God (looking concerned): Really? His explanations weren’t helpful?

Angel (rolling eyes): About as helpful as a child trying to explain a smart phone to their grandparents! (laugh track)

God (shuddering visibly): Oooh…that’s not good. Not good at all. Still. He’s been moping around for a few hundred years now. Maybe he needs a second chance. Grace and forgiveness and all that. (laugh track)

Angel: Sir I really don’t think that’s a good idea. This is a really important event – arguably the most important in creation history. We can’t risk him complicating things.

God: It’s a simple message. Nothing complicated. No visuals. Mary – congrats! – you’re having a baby! I’ve got full confidence in you! Even have the name picked out – Jesus – one of my favorites! Gonna be really successful. Piece of cake. Even Gabriel can’t screw it up! (laugh track)

Angel: What if she has questions?

God: Questions? What could she have questions about? It’s just a baby, after all! Go ahead and send Gabriel!

Angel (sighing heavily and tapping on iPad): Yes sir. He’s on his way.

* * * * * COMMERCIAL BREAK * * * * *

Fade in to new scene – humble 1st century mud and straw home in Nazareth, Galilee. Mary, a young girl of about 13 or 14 is seen in very poor clothing, sweeping the dirt with a straw broom. Natural lighting. Nobody else around. Suddenly, very bright light! Mary drops broom and holds her arms up to shade her eyes. Stumbles back and falls to the ground. Gabriel appears in the midst of the light, smiling broadly.

Gabriel (in very thick, Texan accent): Well hooooooowwwwdeeeeee!! (laugh track – Mary looks perplexed but remains silent)

Gabriel: Well if you ain’t just the cutest little thing since I don’t know when! (Mary looks perplexed)

Gabriel (looking worried and hastily pulling out a crumpled paper and smoothing it out and reading it in extremely thick Texan accent): Oh, uh, hey! Um, Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!” (Mary continues to look puzzled)

Gabriel (sighing in exasperation, rolling his eyes, wadding up the paper and tossing it over his shoulder): Oh please, give me a break! Honey, this is so exciting! I can’t believe I’m the one who gets to breatk the news to you, and they give me this “Greetings O favored one” schlock! Good grief girl, this is BIG! Exciting! Everything is going to change and you’re ground zero! This is bigger than the giraffe! Bigger than the whale! It doesn’t get any bigger or more exciting than this and I’m the one who gets to tell you! Look, you’re going to have a BABY! Not just any baby but a special baby. Not Joseph’s baby – trust me, I know you ain’t been misbehavin’ (laugh track) but this is God’s son!

Scene shift – back to heaven, God staring nervously at a monitor on his desk with the angel from before behind him looking over his shoulder.

God (annoyed, pushing the angel back): Don’t worry, don’t worry. I’ve got this guy named Luke…he’s going to smooth over the rough edges. Everything’s fine! (laugh track)

(Scene shift – back to the room with Mary and Gabriel, Gabriel just finishing up with “and of his kingdom there will be no end!” still in very heavy Texan accent)

Mary (visibly puzzled and perplexed): How will this be, since I am a virgin?

(Cue flashing red lights and alarm noises back in God’s office room. God and angel throwing papers in the air in visible panic. Cut back to Mary & Gabriel with Gabriel arlready talking, clearly making things up as he goes along)

Gabriel: – and a little seed is planted in the mommy’s tummy and it grows into a baby! (looks very satisfied. Mary slaps her forehead with the palm of her hand and shakes her head in frustration)

(scene shift back to heaven, God at desk with head in his hands. Angel on floor next to him in fetal position crying. Sound of Mary & Gabriel’s voices over the monitor: “That was the worst explanation “ever!” Gabriel: “Funny, Daniel told me the same thing.” [laugh track]. )

(scene shift back to Mary’s room. Gabriel sitting cross-legged on the floor, dejected, halo askew, Mary sitting on a chair nearby staring at him and listening)

Mary: I mean, that’s it? That’s the best you can do? Look this is all really confusing but it would be a little easier if I just had some idea how it’s all going to work!

Gabriel: Honey, I don’t even know how sex works (laugh track – Mary looks surprised and a little scornful). I just know that you’ve been picked for something really important. Probably the most important job since, well, since that whole incident back in the Garden of Eden – I told him that Tree of Knowledge was a bad idea. (laugh track, Mary shakes her head bemused but still listening)

I don’t know how God is going to work this, but your child, He’s something special. He’s the one God promised to Eve way back then. Her descendant that would stomp on the serpent’s head. That’s who you’re going to bring into the world. That’s who’s going to be growing inside you. Not Joseph’s kid, but God’s. Don’t worry, we’ll figure out how to let Joseph know what’s going on – probably with a different messenger after this fiasco, though. (laugh track, Mary looks questionably relieved).

This kid, he won’t just be special and important to you. He’ll be special and important to everyone. We’ve all (jerking thumb skywards, laugh track) we’ve all been waiting a long time for this. A long time for God to send his Son into creation. To undo the Fall. To kick Satan’s butt and end the power of sin and death in all of creation. It’s a really big deal, despite the fact that thosands of years from now people are going to compete to find the uglieset sweaters to wear to commemorate this event. I’ll never understand humans. (laugh track).

So, whaddya say, Mary? Are you on board with this? Are you ready to be a nearly not single-mother? I don’t have all the answers, but He does (jerking thumb upwards again, sympathetic audience noises). He’ll be there every step of the way with you, I promise. Whaddya say?

Mary (pausing dramatically, then smiling beatifically – cue light shining on her, faint glow of halo appearing over her head): Sure, why not. I mean, I’m nobody. I’m just a servant. If God wants to do it this way, who am I to say no?” (audience applause. Gabriel gets excitedly to his feet – makes victory pump, audience laughter)

Gabriel (looking upwards as spotlight appears on him): Ok Boss! Beam me up! (Gabriel covers his mouth as though he’s said something he shouldn’t, Mary scratches her head, puzzled, audience laugh track)

(light increases in frequency until whole screen is whited out, fade back in to God’s office in heaven, God and angel high-fiving each other behind God’s desk.

God: Make sure you’re taking good care of Luke – we’re going to need him to do some heavy-duty editing. But I’ve got a good feeling about this. A really good feeling!

Angel: Yes sir. You were right sir, Gabriel was the perfect choice.

God: Of course I’m right! I’m God!

(laugh track, cue commercial break and roll credits)

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm….

October 6, 2020

The fact so many people are afraid Amy Coney Barrett (who is, incidentally, a woman) might be a key vote in overturning Roe v. Wade and nearly 50 years of legalized abortion in America, and they’re counting on Joe Biden (who is, incidentally, a man) to stand against her (and the entire Supreme Court which is, incidentally, one third of our tripartite government structure) to ensure abortion remains “the law of the land”. And nary a cry of paternalism or patriarchal privilege on this issue….

COVID Coping

September 25, 2020

We’re all trying to figure out how to get through this season of COVID. With restrictions on where you can go and what you can do and who you can be with, people are getting a bit stir crazy and I’m no exception. I’ve admitted to being not the smartest guy on the block this summer, an admission some would argue was far overdue and hardly limited to this summer. But as a closing foray into stupidity, last night I took the Paqui One-Chip Challenge.

I’d like to defend myself somewhat. I haven’t eaten Tide Pods or overindulged on cinnamon. I haven’t poured ice water over my head. I’ve never been much of a joiner, and taken more pride than probably reasonable in going against the flow. I’m fairly discerning usually when it comes to common sense. But apparently not always.

Because another source of pride throughout my life has been an affinity for spicy food. The hotter the better. And the more other people back off and avoid it, the more inclined I am to try it. So when I saw a YouTube video for the One-Chip Challenge, I immediately started Googling to see where they could be purchased locally. Just a few hours later I had two small bags of their chips and one of the casket-shaped One-Chip Challenge boxes.

I tried the bag of Fiery Chili Limon chips for lunch. It claims to be Super Hot!, but it was disappointing. I mean, there was some heat to it, but I ate the small bag without the need for water – let alone bread or milk. I make much hotter pico de gallo and while these chips were somewhat respectable by mass produced chip standards, they certainly didn’t live up to the hype.

So when my kids found the box at dinner they naturally assumed I should do it. Right then. And really, why put it off?

Frankly the most impressive thing initially was that this company found a way to keep their chips intact! The small bag of chips was not a bunch of crumbs as is often the case with chips. Almost all of the chips were intact, which was impressive in and of itself. And the One-Chip Challenge was even better insulated to ensure I found it intact. This year’s challenge uses a blue-corn tortilla chip covered in their signature blend of ground chili spices, utilizing the Carolina Reaper chili, the Scorpion Chili, and Sichuan peppercorn. The chip looks black and it’s covered in this black spice. The challenge says you have to eat the entire chip, so I broke it in two and ate it.

Initially it wasn’t terribly impressive. But, as chilis sometimes do, the impact grew over time. Still, it wasn’t really all that painful initially. Eventually it was the sides of my tongue that took the brunt of the burning. The rest of my mouth was relatively unaffected. Or perhaps completely numbed. I’ve longed to take spicy challenges for years, but this is the closest I’ve ever come to actually doing one. Beyond the growing burning on my tongue were other physical reactions I’ve watched in other people but never experienced myself. I began perspiring. My eyes started watering and my nose started running. My hands were shaking and my legs were a bit weak. There was a jumbled sense to my thinking, as my brain rapidly occupied itself almost completely with what was going on in my body and how unhappy it was with it.

The challenge grants different levels of recognition depending on how long you can hold out before eating or drinking something after eating the chip. My goal was to last at least five minutes – the lowest level of Featherweight. It’s what I had seen the host do on the YouTube video, and since we had guests for dinner I didn’t feel like drawing it out indefinitely. And, honestly, it hurt. So the glass of milk I had my kids bring me in advance went down pretty quickly but only provided moderate relief. As with the water after. Ice cubes were more effective at numbing my tongue and easing the pain. And with homemade apple crisp with ice cream for dessert, I found the frozen dairy was most effective in helping neutralize and disperse the oils binding the burning to my tongue. Within 15 minutes or so I was feeling mostly back to normal.

I could feel it in my stomach, as the packaging said I would, but it wasn’t anything bad. Until about 30 minutes later. I was sidelined severely by a terrible burning sensation in my stomach that left me almost completely incapacitated for about 10 minutes. Some cold water eventually helped to ease the pain, and within another 15 minutes or so I was fine again. I panicked a little, thinking perhaps the spices had eaten through my stomach or aggravated an ulcer I didn’t know I had. But a few years ago I had a similar (though far less intense) pain from a particularly powerful chili pepper I ate, so I figured it was basically the same reaction this time and it would pass before long.

Blessedly, it did. I was able to sleep without any other side effects and, other than a slight tenderness in my stomach today, I appear to be fine.

This challenge is not for the faint of heart. Visit the web site to see different reactions from customers. I have a good tolerance for heat and rarely find something uncomfortable, but this certainly was. Paqui doesn’t indicate what heat level the chip is, but the Carolina Reaper chili clocks in at 1.5 million on the Scoville scale (a typical jalapeno clocks in at 2500-10,000). So it’s a serious heat!

I’m glad I did it. That being said I feel no need to do it again. And I’ll probably let the small bag of Paqui Haunted Ghost Pepper chips lie untouched for a little while. I know it won’t be anywhere near what the One-Chip Challenge felt like, but still. I’ve had enough heat for the time being.

Facing the Mirror

May 28, 2020

The latest in celebrity outings happened late last week when late-night talk show host and comedian Jimmy Fallon was criticized for a Saturday Night Live skit he did 20 years ago where he impersonated Chris Rock.

For clarification, Jimmy Fallon is white and Chris Rock is black. In impersonating Chris Rock, Fallon wore blackface and it was this in particular that earned the ire of certain people. Dutifully, Fallon issued a heartfelt apology for his offensive actions. That is the expected response whenever anybody anywhere anytime criticizes you for something they decide was racist.

I was pleased to see that actor/comedian Jamie Foxx came to Fallon’s defense, drawing an important distinction between appearing in blackface to make fun of an entire race, and doing a particular impression of a particular person who happens to be of another race. Fair warning if you click on Foxx’ response above it is not exactly child-friendly. While doing a comedy sketch is unpardonable, public profanity is perfectly acceptable these days.

Foxx makes an important distinction. Fallon was impersonating a particular individual who happens to be black. He was not doing a caricature of all black people. I tend to agree with Foxx that Fallon’s impersonation was pretty good, though understandably tastes will vary. Comedic tastes may vary widely, but just because you didn’t find his impersonation very good or funny shouldn’t (and hopefully wasn’t) be the basis for alleging racism.

Is it impermissible to impersonate any other race but your own? I imagine it should have a great deal to do with what the purpose is, although we have to admit at the same time that what is considered an acceptable intention in one age may not be considered acceptable in another age – even just 20 years later.

Still, if the overriding principle is that nobody should ever portray another race other than their own, this principle should be evenly applied rather than targeting white people impersonating black people.

Is anyone calling for public apologies and/or self-immolation from the Wayans brothers and their whiteface movie White Chicks? That movie is only 16 years old and they were impersonating a particular kind of white female, but not specific white females. Seems like this ought to be grounds for an outcry, right?

Or Martin Lawrence might be called out for putting whiteface on as a recurring character on his TV show, Martin? Again, not impersonating a person but a kind of person. Appropriate?

Whoopi Goldberg in The Associate?

I’ll leave off pointing out Eddie Murphy or Dave Chappelle because their purposes were ostensibly to expose racism.

But we certainly needn’t limit it to white and black people impersonating each other. What about the universally lovable Tom Hanks? Should he be blackballed for dressing up as a woman for Bosom Buddies?

Pretending to be someone you’re not is not necessarily criminal. We teach kids to do this for Halloween. What you do with your impersonation could indeed be very, very wrong. That judgment has to be exercised within the current cultural conditions, though, and it’s unfair to call out a racist impersonation if it was not considered racist at the time – admittedly a complicated if not Gordian Knot to unravel.

It would be more helpful in the pursuit of better race relations to have conversations about these things rather than flinging hateful accusations to elicit knee-jerk reactions. This matter with Jimmy Fallon is going to quickly disappear, as it should. But it’s unfortunate that it was raised without an ability or desire to actually engage in discussion about whether what he did was racist in general, was racist 20 years ago, or racist only now. A chance to educate about comedy and that funny doesn’t always equate to insulting.

No word from Chris Rock on what he thinks of the allegations or what he thought or currently thinks of Fallon’s impersonation. Hopefully he’ll have something helpful and witty to contribute, something fitting for a man with a keen insight into human nature as well as race relations.

Have a Laugh. Or 100.

April 23, 2020

Need a bit of good news in the midst of the non-stop barrage over COVID-19?  Maybe a bit of nostalgia in for good measure?  Then this is a must read-listen-view.  A collection of pivotal comedy routines, jokes, gags, and the men and women who made them famous.  How many of them do you recognize?  How often do you laugh while watching or  hearing them again?  Great entertainment here!

Fair warning, not all of them are family friendly.

Highly Illogical

March 27, 2020

Sometimes it’s the little things that are inspiring and surprising.

As a casual Trekkie and somewhat more than casual admirer of J.R.R. Tolkien, I found a curious blending of the two a few years ago after the Star Trek movie reboot.  Namely, a very delightful if slightly corny Audi commercial starring the original Spock, Leonard Nimoy, and his reboot alter-ego, Zachary Quinto.  It’s a cute commercial but I never understood the song Nimoy was singing.  I thought it was just a nonsensical sort of thing to compare his outdatedness with Quinto’s more with-it persona and car.

Now I find out  there’s a history to what Nimoy is singing about Bilbo Baggins.  A history that goes all the way back to 1967 when Nimoy, in addition to starring in a new series called Star Trek, was releasing musical albums.  Two at this point.  And he sang this original song called The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins on one of his albums, and then lip-synced it for a campy TV show during the summer of 1967.

Mind blown.  I respect the Audi commercial even more now for their attention to detail – even a detail many would miss!

 

Lutherans vs. Catholics

November 12, 2019

Straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

A nice little article about a Papal audience for Catholic and Lutheran pilgrims who journeyed to Rome together.

I appreciate Pope Francis’ words.  It is encouraging to hear the Pope acknowledge that despite being divided theologically, those divisions are not exclusionary from the broader umbrella of the Christian faith.  This is something I try to reiterate to people I work with each week who tend to think in terms of Christian or Catholic.

I’m glad to hear of a commitment to further dialogue, but of course working together in acts of charity is not the same thing as theological dialogue aimed at some sort of reconciliation.  That’s far harder. Nothing prevents us from working with each other in charitable efforts.  But to seek to reconcile – that’s something I doubt either side puts a lot of actual stock in, unfortunately.

Life As We Know It

September 13, 2019

Another epic announcement this week about a potentially habitable planet discovered in a far off galaxy.  These come out every now and then and disappear pretty much just as quickly.  But I love this take on such announcements, which helps put them in perspective as to their usefulness.

Go ahead, click.  It’s fun.